So there’s this bridge in Brooklyn that I’ve been trying to get off my hands. I’m telling you, it’s not a bad bridge; you can drive your car over it, walk on it—I’ll even throw in the rust-proofing for free. But every time I’m about to close the deal, I hear those three evil words: “Fox 5 investigates!” Damn you, 11-time Emmy Award–winning investigative reporter Elisabeth Leamy! Leamy’s new book, The Savvy Consumer: How to Avoid Scams and Rip-offs That Cost You Time and Money, promises to further cramp my style with its reams of advice on how to buy a car, get a mortgage, and avoid the old bank-examiner trick. How’s a small-time modeling agent like myself supposed to survive if Leamy’s running around telling everyone that most agencies are based in Miami, not Bowie? I guess I’ll just have to get out of the scamming and flimflamming business for good. But first I need a little help getting my $35 million out of Nigeria. Leamy speaks at 7 p.m. at Olsson’s Books & Records, 2111 Wilson Blvd., Arlington. Free. (703) 525-4227. (Josh Levin)