There’s still time to nominate local icons for Best of D.C.
My hat’s off to John Metcalfe for “I’m More Than Just an Alcoholic” (5/7), which attempts to glamorize the life of Aries Bond. I’ve seen and, like many people, I suppose, been bothered by Bond’s panhandling antics while I was walking down the street minding my own business. Prior to reading Metcalfe’s story, I thought Bond was nothing more than a wart on the ass of society.
Even if you’ve never seen Bond before, you don’t have to read between the lines of Metcalfe’s article to figure out what a menace he is. There are at least three references to his urinating on other people’s property and a half-dozen accounts of him disturbing women. One thing that bothers me is all this business about Bond’s being some tough high-steel-walker who would be a millionaire by now if it just didn’t rain so much. What a lofty load of crap that is. This guy’s lucky if he’s ever worked long enough to pay for someone to go around town and clean up after him.
As if that weren’t enough, Metcalfe had to advance Bond’s B.S. story about being a member of a “Fire Support Team” during the Gulf War. Why shouldn’t we believe it? If anyone thinks that Army personnel poured cement into the gun barrels of Iraqi tanks so they could no longer use them, I’ve got some stock in the 14th Street Bridge to sell. Think about the logistics of carrying bags of cement around all over the desert and compare that with the ease provided by a pound of C-4 plastic explosive, capable of destroying at least a half-dozen tank barrels.
Metcalfe got one thing right. Bond is more than just an alcoholic. He’s a pest, too. He’d better stay in the District and away from me.