City Paper is not for tourists
In: Fort Totten
Residents Are Opposing: A wine distributor’s warehouse
Because: Morning deliveries mean more traffic.
We Say: Sommelier on call in case of rush-hour fender-bender.
In: Michigan Park
Residents Are Opposing: Girls and Boys Town
Because: Runoff from its parking lots floods neighborhood houses.
We Say: Flooding makes Father Flanagan cry. Unfortunately, that causes more flooding.
In: Logan Circle
Residents Are Opposing: A proposed apartment building
Because: The owner previously tolerated a brothel staffed by undocumented immigrants.
We Say: John Ashcroft detained them for three minutes.
In: Columbia Heights
Residents Are Opposing: Headless parking meters
Because: They’re used to stash dope.
We Say: Free drugs on weekends and holidays.
In: Takoma Park
Residents Are Opposing: Freight trains
Because: They idle on the Piney Branch overpass for hours at a time, angering residents.
We Say: Think about how the hobos must feel. —Josh Levin