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In: Adams Morgan

Residents Are Opposing: A developer’s crane

Because: It’s so heavy that 18th Street could collapse.

We Say: But it weighed just 38,000 pounds before eating that jumbo slice!

In: Petworth

Residents Are Opposing: An entrepreneur

Because: He rolls in from Alexandria, washes cars, then leaves his mess behind.

We Say: Do you know how hard it is to clean up soap and water?

In: Takoma

Residents Are Opposing: Safeway

Because: There aren’t ties or plastic bags for fruits and vegetables.

We Say: It’s free-range produce.

In: Bloomingdale

Residents Are Opposing: A resident

Because: Her kids go door to door asking for money for a trip to Disney World.

We Say: The only way you’ll see Tomorrowland is if you get off

my property.

In: Dupont Circle

Residents Are Opposing: A promoter at Club MCCXXIII

Because: The promoter sent hundreds of emails protesting neighbors’ requests for increased security.

We Say: Do you realize how many denarii a Praetorian Guardsman goes for these days? —Josh Levin