In: Adams Morgan
Residents Are Opposing: A developer’s crane
Because: It’s so heavy that 18th Street could collapse.
We Say: But it weighed just 38,000 pounds before eating that jumbo slice!
In: Petworth
Residents Are Opposing: An entrepreneur
Because: He rolls in from Alexandria, washes cars, then leaves his mess behind.
We Say: Do you know how hard it is to clean up soap and water?
In: Takoma
Residents Are Opposing: Safeway
Because: There aren’t ties or plastic bags for fruits and vegetables.
We Say: It’s free-range produce.
In: Bloomingdale
Residents Are Opposing: A resident
Because: Her kids go door to door asking for money for a trip to Disney World.
We Say: The only way you’ll see Tomorrowland is if you get off
my property.
In: Dupont Circle
Residents Are Opposing: A promoter at Club MCCXXIII
Because: The promoter sent hundreds of emails protesting neighbors’ requests for increased security.
We Say: Do you realize how many denarii a Praetorian Guardsman goes for these days? —Josh Levin