Usually, write-in votes cast in D.C. elections are left untallied if they won’t affect an election’s outcome. But a court order last month forced the D.C. Board of Elections and Ethics to count the Statehood Green Party’s write-in votes cast in January’s Presidential Preference Primary election, giving a rare look into the D.C. electorate’s extraballotory affairs. (The Democratic write-ins remain uncounted.) One thing becomes clear: the campaign of Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) should have included spelling lessons. Because he is not “D. Kucinich,” “Dennis Kasinisch,” or “Kunich,” the former Cleveland mayor lost eight votes to inconsistent spellings.

But aside from bungled variations on the name of 2004’s vegetarian would-be prez, voters wrote in ho-hum wannabes, such as performance artist Vermin Supreme and Dead Kennedys lead singer Jello Biafra. Why can’t D.C.’s true underground heroes get a berth on the ballot?

Art accompanying story in the printed newspaper is not available in this archive: Emily Flake.