24

TUESDAY

Forget about the Olympics and all that pushing-the-limits-of-human-achievement crap—it’s almost time for the Miss America Pageant! With all those duct-taped breasts, Vaselined fake smiles, and easy answers to the world’s ills, what’s not to love? I’ll tell you what’s not to love: There will be no live “talent” portion of the contest this year! Guess those gals just don’t have the Olympic-level skills of their predecessors, such as baton twirling, poetry reciting, and…suitcase packing? These are just a few of the amazing abilities displayed by the beauties in Michael Ritchie’s 1975 film Smile, an Altmanesque take on the pageant industry. Following regional finalists for the fictional Young American Miss contest, Smile stars Bruce Dern as a slick car salesman moonlighting as a pageant producer and Barbara Feldon (Get Smart’s Agent 99) as a fading former Miss turned den mother. Oh, and don’t blink or you’ll miss a pre-plastic-surgery Melanie Griffith baring her um, assets. Remember to hug the loser when the film screens at 7 p.m. at the Library of Congress’ Mary Pickford Theater, 101 Independence Ave. SE. Free. (202) 707-5677. (Jason Powell)