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In: Spring Valley
Residents Are Opposing: Rude employees of a neighborhood strip mall
Because: They congregate loudly, cursing and smoking, before their shifts start.
We Say: You should hear them at the end of the day.
In: Silver Spring
Residents Are Opposing: A tattoo parlor
Because: It’s an eyesore.
We Say: It would only cost $150 million to remove it with lasers.
In: Shepherd Park
Residents Are Opposing: Shoes hanging from telephone lines
Because: According to a resident at a community meeting, “It’s one of the ways the Latinos mark their territory.”
We Say: If you peed on the phone poles, that would mark the territory even better.
In: Foggy Bottom
Residents Are Opposing: Roving bands of George Washington University students
Because: One student swiped a neighbor’s lawn chair.
We Say: You can’t stop those crazy college kids from sittin’!
In: U Street
Residents Are Opposing: A poster affixed to the door of Between Friends nightclub
Because: It bills an entertainer as “James Fucking Friedman.”
We Say: Take it up with his mother.