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In: Spring Valley

Residents Are Opposing: Rude employees of a neighborhood strip mall

Because: They congregate loudly, cursing and smoking, before their shifts start.

We Say: You should hear them at the end of the day.

In: Silver Spring

Residents Are Opposing: A tattoo parlor

Because: It’s an eyesore.

We Say: It would only cost $150 million to remove it with lasers.

In: Shepherd Park

Residents Are Opposing: Shoes hanging from telephone lines

Because: According to a resident at a community meeting, “It’s one of the ways the Latinos mark their territory.”

We Say: If you peed on the phone poles, that would mark the territory even better.

In: Foggy Bottom

Residents Are Opposing: Roving bands of George Washington University students

Because: One student swiped a neighbor’s lawn chair.

We Say: You can’t stop those crazy college kids from sittin’!

In: U Street

Residents Are Opposing: A poster affixed to the door of Between Friends nightclub

Because: It bills an entertainer as “James Fucking Friedman.”

We Say: Take it up with his mother.

—Josh Levin