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If a celestial tribunal were to convene in outer space to decide the fate of mankind, today’s world would have a pretty hard time defending itself from annihilation. War, corruption, Ashlee Simpson—why, exactly, do we deserve to be here again? And whom, pray tell, would humanity choose to represent the “Spirit of Man” to begin with? Given the recent election debacles in both the United States and the Ukraine, it seems pretty obvious that the world isn’t even capable of selecting regional leaders without lying to, stealing from, and/or poisoning each other. Then again, if modern history has taught us anything, it’s that it doesn’t matter whom we vote for anyway—when the smoke clears, Earth can rest assured that, one way or another, its continued existence will lie in the ever-capable hands of George W. Bush. See the Marx Brothers, Dennis Hopper, and Vincent Price attempt to make sense of the world up until 1957 in The Story of Mankind, Irwin Allen’s loose adaptation of Henrik Willem Van Loon’s chronicle of the human race, when the Washington Psychotronic Film Society presents the film at 8 p.m. at Dr. Dremo’s Taphouse, 2001 Clarendon Blvd., Arlington. $2 (suggested donation). (202) 736-1732. (Matthew Borlik)