In: Adams Morgan

Residents Are Opposing: Residential parking for Flexcar

Because: “Giving away our parking spots for the benefit of your company is an abuse of the public trust.”

We Say: The public demands that those spots be reserved for kegs and funnels.

In: Cleveland Park

Residents Are Opposing: A mountain of restaurant garbage behind 3516 Connecticut Ave. NW

Because: It’s unhealthy.

We Say: That’s a sidewalk cafe for goats.

In: Columbia Heights

Residents Are Opposing: The old Bruce School at Kenyon Street and Sherman Avenue NW

Because: It’s a magnet for illegal trespassing, drugs, and prostitution.

We Say: They always say that you learn more from an old hooker than you could ever pick up in the classroom.

In: Brookland

Residents Are Opposing: A barbecue joint on 12th Street NE

Because: It’s low on food.

We Say: I think that guy pushing a wheelbarrow of pulled pork might have something to do with it.

In: Southeast

Residents Are Opposing: The proposed baseball stadium

Because: If it is built, someone who commits a crime will be able to blend into the crowds.

We Say: I think that guy in the bow tie took my $500 million.

—Josh Levin