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In: Shepherd Park

Residents Are Opposing: Pornographic e-mails

Because: Spammers could be harvesting addresses from the neighborhood e-mail discussion group.

We Say: A penis cannot be enlarged as a matter of right.

In: Dupont Circle

Residents Are Opposing: A gay bar called the Fab Lounge

Because: It’s too close to a school.

We Say: It’s an “experimental” school.

In: Takoma, D.C.

Residents Are Opposing: The salt used to de-ice sidewalks

Because: It damages the concrete, car paint, and leather shoes.

We Say: Spot had the day off.

In: Adams Morgan

Residents Are Opposing: The sidewalk barrier at 2301 Champlain Street

Because: Construction has disrupted the neighborhood for long enough.

We Say: And take off those unsightly hard hats.

In: Brookland

Residents Are Opposing: Loud train horns in the wee hours

Because: “[P]lanes aren’t allowed to fly at that time, but it is perfectly fine for a train to blare its horn constantly.”

We Say: Brookland International Airport demands extended runway hours.

—Josh Levin