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TO APRIL 3

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How, exactly, do I feel about Network’s not being included in the AFI Silver Theatre and Cultural Center’s Sidney Lumet Retrospective? Well, just in case it isn’t extremely obvious, I’ll tell you: I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore! I’m going to march right up to the AFI, storm past the ticket taker (“Out of my way, old man! I’m with the Washington City Paper!”), and—following a brief stop at the concession stand—burst into the front office with a mouthful of Jujubes and demand to know, “Whah thgh fugh ahnth ooh schreenigh Nehtwagh?!” Then again, maybe on the way I’ll catch a screening of Serpico (pictured, at 7 p.m. Wednesday, March 16, and at 12:45 p.m. Sunday, March 20), Lumet’s adaptation of Peter Maas’ novel based on an honest, real-life New York City cop caught in a sea of corruption. Or maybe I might just grab a Yuengling or two and some popcorn and watch Dog Day Afternoon (at 7 p.m. Wednesday, March 23, and at 1 p.m. Sunday, March 27). Of course, after a few beers and an extra-large tub of artificial-butter-flavoring-slathered popcorn, I’ll probably need a trip to the restroom. But you’d better believe that, as soon as I’m done, I’m going to find that program director and…wait, 12 Angry Men (at 8:30 p.m. Wednesday, March 30, and at 1 p.m. Sunday, April 3) is showing, too? And Fail-Safe (at 12:45 p.m. Sunday, March 13)? Sweet Jesus—I hope someone’s still in his office by the time I get out of the late-night screening of that one. Otherwise, some poor janitor is going to find himself listening to a drunk, unkempt, sleep-deprived nut incoherently ranting about the one classic Lumet film they’re not showing. The series runs through Sunday, April 3 (see Showtimes for a full schedule), at the AFI Silver Theatre and Cultural Center, 8633 Colesville Road, Silver Spring. $8.50. (301) 495-6700. (Matt Borlik)