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Whether exploiting breath players, chubby chasers, or plushies, CSI always bellies up to the kink table years too late. It was no different when, several weeks ago, it plundered the loaded diaper of the adult-baby scene. The sight of a big-boy nursery might have shocked some viewers, but now-defunct shelter mag Nest had paid a visit to the secret hideout of a man who calls himself “Daybee” back in 2000. CBS is to be commended, however, for welcoming a subcultural expert into the writers’ room: Episode consultant Jasper Nifong made sure his community was handled with kid gloves. But the small screen may not be quite ready for the infantilist’s own story. A devout evangelical who says he is the ultimate born-again Christian, Nifong recently became an ordained minister. The former casino pit-boss assumes the persona of Adult Baby Jesus to perform weddings at his own li’l chapel on Tangiers Street. Today, he’ll conduct nuptials gratis in Learton Park. Just don’t ask him to bless anything queer. “Marriage is still a sacred bond between one man and one woman,” he says. “They just don’t need to be all gwown up.” Nifong celebrates diversity beginning at 10 a.m. in Learton Park, Champlain Avenue and 13th Street NW. Free. (202) 332-2100, x331. (Regis Boelten)