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Moviegoers of D.C., the theater is not your living room. Therefore, there are certain rules you should adhere to while watching a film: Do not engage in a full-volume running commentary with your companion, for one. Do not take calls on your cell phone, for another. And, for God’s sake, leave your shoes and socks on—lest your vulgar, bare feet be shoved into your big mouth by a critic who’s had just about enough of such boorish behavior, you uncivilized swine. Oh, dear. I think I just violated quite a number of the dictums outlined in Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, a freshly updated volume of the etiquette tome first published in 1979. Miss Manners, of course, is local writer Judith Martin, who for nearly three decades has been advising us not-so-gentle readers on the proper ways to eat, dress, socialize, and—thank heavens—handle late-night e-mails from a drunken ex. This 858-page guide includes Martin’s essays and slightly snooty responses to questions selected from her syndicated column, organized into chapters such as “Birth,” “Rites de Passage,” “Work,” and civilizations “Basic,” “Intermediate,” and “Advanced,” which pretty much cover everything from how to butter bread to what to do when you’re invited to the White House. (And a thorough index makes for quick access to topics such as “underwear, euphemisms for women’s, 211–12.”) As for the sort of rudeness I witness daily at the neighborhood multiplex? Miss Manners, sadly, advises nothing more confrontational than a stern glance. Yeah, gabby, I’m looking at you. Martin speaks at 7 p.m. Friday, May 13, at Politics and Prose, 5015 Connecticut Ave. NW. Free. (202) 364-1919. (Tricia Olszewski)