Before Matt Damon was stuck to Greg Kinnear, before Ben Affleck was Larry Gigli, Matt and Ben were just two conflicted kids from Somerville, Mass., trying to turn The Catcher in the Rye into a screenplay—at least according to Mindy Kaling and Brenda Withers’ play Matt and Ben. Tina Renay Fulp portrays Affleck as an ass-slappin’, beer-swillin’ jock, and Dionne Audain plays Damon, who feels at sea prior to the success of Good Will Hunting. Says Affleck, “We’re white. We’re male. We’re American. We were in School Ties.” Retorts Damon, “I didn’t write a word of this script, and my friend is an idiot.” The show starts at 10 p.m. (to June 4; see City List for other dates) at the District of Columbia Arts Center, 2438 18th St. NW. $15. (202) 462-7833. (Constantine Caloudas)