You cannot imagine the disappointment both my girlfriend and I experienced upon opening Bruce Campbell’s latest book, Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way. Now, it’s not that we haven’t spent many a night enjoying the venerated cult actor’s previous works. But, on this specific night—having already prepared ourselves for an evening of adventurous lovemaking with the finest of red wines, sensual oil massages, and light spanking—well, let’s just say that we weren’t in the mood for the devilishly grinning author in the Hugh Hefner– esque smoking jacket on the cover to be such a tease. A fictionalized account of “a B-movie actor’s disastrous attempt to finally star in a big-budget Hollywood movie,” MLTBCW details Campbell’s preparations for a “pivotal role” in Mike Nichols’ A-list relationship film Let’s Make Love!, starring Richard Gere, Renée Zellweger, and Christopher Plummer. Not exactly the most sensual read, but certainly funnier than, say, Weapons of Ass Destruction 3. Ask the author if he knows the alphabet trick when Campbell appears at 6 p.m. at Landmark’s E Street Cinema, 555 11th St. NW. Free. Numbered book-signing tickets are required and are available with the purchase of a book through Olsson’s Books and Records beginning at 6 p.m. at the theater. Each ticket entitles the holder to one autograph on any object. The signing is followed by screenings of the Campbell-directed Man With the Screaming Brain at 8, 10, and 10:30 p.m. Tickets for the film ($12) are separate from the signing and are available though the box office. (202) 452-7672.