3504 Whitehaven Parkway NW

List price: $1,095,000

Previous sale price: $337,000 (1995)

Square footage: 1,848

Imagine one square foot, about two-thirds the size of this page. Now imagine paying almost $600 for it. Sound like a bargain to you? Then consider your house hunt over! This classic Victorian town house with the “ambience of yester-year” is bursting with historical, possibly lucrative adventures: For instance, look to the left as you’re walking downstairs and you’ll find a lockbox built into the wall. Shimmy it open and reveal its mysteries; it might hold priceless artifacts—or some empty cans of Rust-Oleum. If you’re hearing-impaired, all the better: You won’t mind the creaking floors, and you’ll still be able to enjoy the Jacuzzi and the complimentary splinters from the bench on the unfinished back patio. And there’s an exclusive treat for the politicos: Given that the house’s Burleith location is described as “minutes away” from Capitol Hill, 50-some blocks southeast, it seems you’ll have access to a secret express conveyance to the halls of power, one that bypasses leisurely Metrobuses and clogged crosstown arteries.

—Brian Beutler

Art accompanying story in the printed newspaper is not available in this archive: Photograph by Darrow Montgomery.