In: Columbia Heights
Residents Are Opposing: Kids throwing citrus fruit at bicycles, cars, and Metrobuses
Because: “I nearly fell off my bike into a moving car.”
We Say: Finally, a lemonade stand that delivers.
In: Shepherd Park
Residents Are Opposing: Deer
Because: They leave behind poo that looks like Jordan almonds.
We Say: Add a squirrel and a raccoon—instant trail mix.
Residents Are Opposing: The incomprehensible D.C. public-pool schedule
Because: Takoma Aquatic Center’s phone number isn’t “2508.400.”
We Say: Complaints? Call our help line at 3.256-12.32-761.
Residents Are Opposing: Back-porch thieves
Because: They take plants and furniture.
We Say: Know where I can fence some wicker?
In: Stanton Park on H Street NE
Residents Are Opposing: Cops who spend time ticketing jaywalkers
Because: A few blocks away, a body was found burning in an alley.
We Say: Sounds like the jaywalkers got off easy.