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In: Columbia Heights

Residents Are Opposing: Kids throwing citrus fruit at bicycles, cars, and Metrobuses

Because: “I nearly fell off my bike into a moving car.”

We Say: Finally, a lemonade stand that delivers.

In: Shepherd Park

Residents Are Opposing: Deer

Because: They leave behind poo that looks like Jordan almonds.

We Say: Add a squirrel and a raccoon—instant trail mix.

In: Takoma

Residents Are Opposing: The incomprehensible D.C. public-pool schedule

Because: Takoma Aquatic Center’s phone number isn’t “2508.400.”

We Say: Complaints? Call our help line at 3.256-12.32-761.

In: Petworth

Residents Are Opposing: Back-porch thieves

Because: They take plants and furniture.

We Say: Know where I can fence some wicker?

In: Stanton Park on H Street NE

Residents Are Opposing: Cops who spend time ticketing jaywalkers

Because: A few blocks away, a body was found burning in an alley.

We Say: Sounds like the jaywalkers got off easy.