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Rap-rock was always a reliably hilarious genre of popular music, the aural equivalent of upper-decking the toilet at a stranger’s house party. If you don’t automatically seize up in dread at the mention of the Beastie Boys, you’ll at least find their music good for a laugh or two. So it makes sense that somebody would come along to intentionally cross-pollinate white people’s bastardization of hiphop with stand-up comedy. Alas, Schäffer the Darklord’s self-description as a “Frankenstein-esque monster assembled from equal parts Prince, Ozzy Osbourne, Bill Hicks, Eminem and Darth Vader…all rolled into a jaded rock and roll ex-patriot” is a bit misleading. STD’s rhymes are more along the lines of the schtick made familiar by MCs Paul Barman and Chris: heavy on the sci-fi, the effects, and the whiteness. That said, Schäffer’s raps about Jesus zombies and clone sex—“when we hump it’ll be an all-me threesome/sucking and fucking ’til all three come”—are infinitely preferable to having your ears shat in by Fred Durst. Schäffer the Darklord plays with Galbis and Metrocide at 9 p.m. at DC9, 1940 9th St. NW. $7. (202) 483-5000. (Chris Hagan)