“The Church of Latter-Day Singles” (7/29) was so interesting I had to try and respond. I was also raised believing in marriage and chastity.
It helps not to have sex before marriage, because it shields you from all that could go wrong. I didn’t have to deal with STDs, pregnancy, dropping out of school, the hurt of having sex with someone who is just out to use you—the list is endless. After I was 24, I decided to go ahead and do it anyway, and I was in love with my then-boyfriend. I realized too late that he wasn’t in love back, and it hurt a lot that he did not even care about my well-being. At some point I was really hungry and had financial troubles, and he said he did not want to hear about it. My point is that no one ever tells exactly how bad it is to be used by someone you love. I had had hopes of marrying this guy. Imagine the nightmare had I found out that the idiot I had chosen to spend the rest of my life with was a heartless animal. Marriage is not all it’s made out to be. More emphasis should be placed on finding someone you are compatible with, rather than just someone who is interested in marriage (or sex).
There’s always a price a woman pays for being educated. You either choose to start hatching eggs for a man or continue with your education and seem too powerful for a man to put up with. Human beings do not like being second-guessed, and men especially like to feel that they are in control of their households. An educated woman tends to talk back, because she will more likely have the financial backing. I have nothing against women who choose to raise families, but how much weight does your input in decision-making carry when you do not pay even half of the bills?
My advice to Taylor is that she wake up and smell the coffee. She is pretty intimidating even to non-Mormon men. If she finds a spiritual guy who happens to like her, that is good enough. He does not even have to convert. People of different faiths have had successful marriages; it’s all about understanding. It’s a good thing that Taylor chooses to continue with her education. As for putting off sex until marriage, I had a practical lesson: Never marry someone you have never had sex with. He could be one of the most selfish bastards in bed despite being a pretty decent person outside of the bedroom. That really chips on a woman’s self-esteem. You begin to wonder whether there is something wrong with you, why he does not think you deserve to be pleasured in bed.