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“Why did I settle for so little?” asked daughter Lauren on last week’s Still Standing, a show that knows a lot about settling for a little. And from Playboy bunnies to playboy husbands, TV continued to amaze us last week with its uncanny ability to lower the bar ever lower. But it was actor John Larroquette, slumming on one of the season’s biggest flops, who had the most to say about settling: “I think I’m much, much, much better than you,” he told the fast-tanking Joey.

The Girls Next Door

Sunday, 10 p.m.


“It’s great to just do stuff like that with your friends, because it does bring you closer,” says Holly of her nude shower scene with fellow Playmate Kendra. But Playmate Bridget, unable to convince her professor to reschedule an exam, must forgo the shoot. “I feel like I’m being gypped,” she says tearfully of her decision to choose grad school over her shower duties.

Breaking Bonaduce

Sunday, 10 p.m.


The day before he checks into rehab, Danny gets a tattoo bearing the date of his impending sobriety. “But we can’t go with tomorrow’s date” he tells the tattooist, because “What kind of retard checks into rehab sober?” At the clinic, the man tasked with Danny’s mental health greets the cameras in a brightly colored jacket: “They told me they might take pictures, so I thought, Might as well wear something nice.”

Miss Seventeen

Monday, 10:30 p.m.


“I’m one of those people who, if you say that I’m smart, I take it as an insult,” says Ashley, one of 17 contestants vying to grace the cover of Seventeen magazine. “I’m looking for girls who have something to say,” announces Atoosa Rubenstein, the magazine’s girl-empowering editor in chief. Girls “can be extremely catty,” says one empowered contestant. “Females are sneaky,” says another.

The Amazing Race

Tuesday, 9 p.m.


Only days after their mother survives being run over by a buggy, the fragile Weaver kids, whose father perished in a freak racetrack accident, are made to compete in a challenge at Talladega Superspeedway. “Your father liked racing,” says their tearful mother, who signed up for the show hoping it would “alleviate some of the heartache from the past couple of years.”

Divorce Court

Friday, 1:30 p.m. (WTTG-TV)


“Just two,” responds Michael Watson when Judge Mablean Ephriam asks him how many illegitimate children he’s fathered. “I have safe sex,” the self-professed “nympho” adds. “What happens if you don’t [have sex at all]?” the TV jurist asks him. “I get sick to my stomach…so bad I’ve got to go to the hospital,” the married man answers.—Mario Correa