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Let’s face it: TV scandals are usually pretty small-scale—even when they involve wife-swapping. Last week’s most appalled player was probably Trading Spouses fundamentalist Marguerite, who lost some serious shit when she learned that her replacement doesn’t believe in God. And then there was Susan, the proud suburban mother of Wife Swap, who would’ve liked to lose her shit—except her eco-friendly “family” doesn’t believe in flushing. Thank goodness, then, for Star Jones Reynolds, the American University alum who did Ben Ladner proud by dispensing with everyone’s notions of recycling: “I really and truly don’t wear the same thing twice,” she bragged on The View.

Blind Date

Sunday at 10:30 a.m. (Spike TV)

Syndicated

“It seems like most cocky guys have little ding-dongs,” says lingerie model Liana before meeting her blind date, Phil. And though Phil makes a go of it with a manhood-proving game of rock, paper, scissors, the professional gambler fails to make much of an impression: “What’s the guy’s name again?” Liana asks the cameraman after her date has ended.

Wife Swap

Monday at 8 p.m.

ABC

Eco warrior Sienna swaps places with consumerist suburbanite Susan. “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, and if it’s brown, flush it down,” says a sign above Sienna’s toilet. Susan’s first glimpse of yellow inspires some very unmellow howls of disgust, but it’s her host family’s freegan diet that really throws her for a loop: “It’s too weird,” she sobs when she learns that dinner’s coming from a dumpster.

The View

Wednesday at 11 a.m.

ABC

Because American University doesn’t have enough problems, proud alumna Star Jones Reynolds talks up her connections to the place. Members of her sorority are treated to a “live VIEWing party,” but even the game-faced AU cheerleaders have trouble drumming up much excitement for special guest Teri Garr. Apparently, not even Eagles dare read Speedbumps: Flooring It Through Hollywood.

The Oprah Winfrey Show

Wednesday at 4 p.m. (WJLA-TV)

Syndicated

“Your own story is sacred between the two of you, and that’s what Oprah is honoring,” a guest shrink tells author Terry McMillan and her ex-husband, Jonathan Plummer. “The question was, Did you engage in relations with men—sexual relations, condom or not…during the marriage?” Oprah asks the now-gay Plummer. But in a your-own-story-is-sacred-between-the-two-of-you kinda way.

Trading Spouses

Wednesday at 9 p.m.

Fox

“I hear Marguerite’s wonderful, so I really can’t wait to meet her,” gushes hippie mom Jeanne in the conclusion of this two-part episode. Bible-toting Marguerite is excited, too, but in a different way: “Get the hell out of my home, in Jesus’ name I pray!” shrieks the wild-eyed “prayer warrior,” doing her best Linda Blair. “I’m glad to have you back,” soothes her husband, just as the camera crew makes for the door.—Mario Correa