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What with all those Senate hearings and House imbroglios, last week was a pivotal one in our nation’s political history. Television, naturally, played a crucial role: CBS gave us a bare-knuckled view of democracy in action with the 32nd annual People’s Choice Awards, NBC embedded one of its big-name anchors in Will & Grace, and MSNBC trotted out no less a newsman than Maury Povich. But for Beauty and the Geek 2’s Jennipher, civic-mindedness was more than she could bear: “It was just overwhelming,” she said, unable to identify a photo of John Kerry.
The Bachelor: Paris
Monday at 10 p.m.
“I’m here…to find a husband…because, quite frankly, my eggs are rotting,” says ova-obsessed Allie, who wastes no time telling Bachelor Travis that she’s ready for “reproduction.” Susan, meanwhile, is focused on another kind of gratification: “It’s unbelievable! It’s huge!” she says admiringly to the tall, handsome doctor. “It’s very big,” he assures her, standing in front of his big, borrowed castle.
The People’s Choice Awards
Tuesday at 9 p.m.
A bevy of “shiny nominees” vie for Hollywood’s biggest prize: the Nice ’n Easy Fans Favorite Hair award. “Tonight the people have spoken, and they are keeping the Faith!” gushes former Insider co-host Lara Spencer. “Faith [Hill], congratulations on having it all—including a gorgeous head of hair!” What? Someone that fuckin’ hot couldn’t get a congratulatory call from Pat O’Brien?
Will & Grace
Thursday at 8 p.m.
“I have this nasty taste in my mouth,” says guest star/Today host Matt Lauer, complaining about the shrimp that Will’s fed him. “I was [hoping to] shame Lauer in front of his cronies,” says Will, who thinks it’s possible to heap further disgrace upon the newsman last seen feasting on Father of the Pride.
Beauty and the Geek 2
Thursday at 9 p.m.
Christopher shows the ladies his homemade greeting cards: “This one is [for] if your girlfriend cheated on you. It says, ‘I hope you’re happy ’cause you ruined my life, you bitch,’” he tells his audience of bikini-clad life-ruiners. Tyson solves a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded, but his eyes are wide open when it comes to these gals. “Go ahead and hurt my feelings,” he offers. “That’s what I’m here for.”
Weekends With Maury & Connie
Saturday at 10 a.m.
Judge Alito, you are not the father! Maury Povich is back in the news biz, at least technically: “[The Alito hearings] didn’t seem to be much of a fight to me,” says the guy who knows a thing or two about slugfests. Later, Povich’s missis pens a letter to Tom DeLay’s. “What’s next for this out-of-power couple?” asks the male half of the Chung-Poviches. —Mario Correa