With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, TV last week showed us the love, American-style. Y’know, folks like the Montel couples who were set up by none other than the California Department of Corrections. Or the Springer sibs who love each other so much they’re hoping to marry. But when it came to real devotion, none could outdo the Gastineau girls, who remain unwaveringly dedicated to…the Gastineau girls. “Mom,” asked daughter Brittny, “how do you think your life would be different if you weren’t good-looking?”

Gastineau Girls

Thursday at 10:30 p.m.


“This is a great step for them—to step out of the box and merchandise their own images,” says celebrity doll designer Jason Wu, creator of miniature likenesses of Lisa and Brittny Gastineau. But stepping out of the box turns out to be harder than it looks: “Oh my God!” says trapped mom Lisa, unable to free herself from a giant, gift-wrapped carton at the dolls’ launch party.

The Tyra Banks Show

Thursday at 9 a.m. (WTTG-TV)


When it comes to pinching pennies, who better to hand out advice than a supermodel? “Child, can you say Country Time?!” hoots our hostess, showing us how to save a couple of bucks in a restaurant by “[making] your lemonade at the table.” Don’t cut out those expensive beauty treatments, though. Just reuse ’em: “It is important,” Tyra says, “to recycle your hair-weave hair.”

The Jerry Springer Show

Thursday at 11 a.m. (WBDC-TV)


He ain’t horny; he’s my brother: “If you just joined us,” says Springer, “Mario, the guy in the tie, is standing there with his sister, Tavi.” “No,” interrupts Tavi. “Get it right, Jerry—girlfriend.” “Not only his sister but his girlfriend,” corrects Springer, who at least gets it right in his send-off: “Please take care of yourselves—and each other.”

The Montel Williams Show

Thursday at 4 p.m. (WUSA-TV)


“There are people who have difficulty with intimate relationships, and for them, maybe the fact that their partner is in prison is an advantage,” says clinical psychiatrist Dr. Alicia Salzer of people who choose incarcerated mates. For Justeen, however, the reasons are less psychological than practical. “Well,” she says, “my mom said at least I’d always know where he was.”

Beauty and the Geek 2

Thursday at 9 p.m.


The beauties prep the geeks for a round of speed dating: “Don’t talk about the monkeys with lasers,” Sarah wisely advises Wes. Too bad none of these money-motivated hot bods advises against chit-chat about whores: “I took a class on [the] history of prostitution,” says Chris to a stunned date, launching into an explanation of how to get sex from a geisha. —Mario Correa