City Paper is not for tourists
The race was on last week. No, not the umpteenth edition of The Amazing Race. I mean the amazing, race-baiting Black.White., in which two families swap skin color with the help of some makeup magic. Finally, prime time poses the hard questions—such as “When the whites leave, [do] you all start jiving?” But it was Dani from America’s Next Top Model who did the most for our collective cultural sensitivity: “I don’t like gay people. I don’t like Muslims,” she declared. “But other than that, I really like to get along with people.”
Flavor of Love
Sunday at 10 p.m.
“He wants his women to sport a pair of gold teetheses,” says burly sidekick Big Rick, fitting the two finalists for “black-chelor” Flavor Flav’s trademark oral appliance. Or would that be his smooth talk? “Let’s make a little toast right now,” he consoles New York, who’s just been spat on by a rival. “And then…you can go and whup her ass.”
America’s Next Top Model
Wednesday at 8 p.m.
“I just don’t agree with your lifestyle,” says “überconservative Republican” Dani to judges J. Alexander and Jay Manuel. “I’m a cheerleader—I mean, I know about gay people.” Tyra hopes that Jade will take a more conciliatory approach: “She’s so, like, nature girl,” she says of the “Afrocentric” contestant. “You think she would be, like, ‘My sister, we are all beautiful!’ But she’s like, ‘Screw this! I’m fine!’”
Wednesday at 10 p.m.
“My mom and Bruno don’t exactly spend a lot of time with black people so…I’m a little nervous that they might say the wrong thing,” says daughter Rose of her family’s experiment in becoming African-American. But Rose needn’t worry: “I love black—I mean, visually,” says Carmen, her newly transformed mother.
Spying on Myself
Thursday at 2 a.m.
Unemployed writer Simon has gone undercover “to find out why his girlfriend’s mother doesn’t like him.” “He isn’t very respectful of his elders,” Mom confides to a man she thinks is her blind date but is actually Simon in disguise. “What do you mean? How?” her insulted daughter/chaperone demands, defending the honor of the man who loves her so much he’s going out with her mother.
Marie Osmond Dolls
Thursday at 10 p.m.
“This show is truly a friendship show,” says Marie Osmond, hawking a line of creepy porcelain dolls for up to $1,995 a pop. “After this show, you will never get a chance at that intro price again,” adds doll-faced host/ex–Mrs. Minnesota Mary Beth Roe, reminding viewers that even friendship has a price. —Mario Correa