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If your morning commute on the Metro doesn’t fulfill your love of being touched and groped by strangers, let Joseph Reo show you a few of his moves at Washington Chiropractic’s “Basic Massage Techniques.” Reo will talk about the role of massage in modern health care, including how it can reduce stress and ease chronic pain. Exercise has similar effects, of course, but getting a massage sounds like more fun—and apparently it’s pretty effective, too. Studies by the National Institutes of Health suggest that regular massage therapy can “partially compensate for the lack of exercise and inactivity resulting from illness or injury”—or laziness. Don’t be one of those old, sad bastards with your frowning face smooshed against the train window. Let Reo teach you to rejuvenate your tired, working soul from 7:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. at Washington Chiropractic, 5008 Connecticut Ave. NW. $25. (202) 966-9280. (Megan Maher)