Whether you thought she hung the moon or put America through a 15-year-long colonoscopy, one thing was for certain last week: Katie Couric’s reign over morning television finally came to an end. And what an end it was, with everyone from Tony Bennett to the Central Park Jogger joining in the send-off. And the long-suffering Ann Curry? Well, she had to content herself with just another case of pedophilia. “And that’s a felony any way you cut it,” she said on Dateline.
Tuesday at 10 p.m.
“That’s good—good,” says muscled laborer Steve to host Mike Rowe. “Yeah, you like that?” asks his temporary partner in drain-making. “We call that a peener,” Steve says knowingly, admiring the chisel in Rowe’s hand. “Now you gotta squeeze it.” And so Rowe does, moments before being passed along to a fella named Bear.
Wednesday at 7 a.m.
“I think what’s amazing,” coos suck-up Ann Curry to co-host Katie Couric, “is that you’ve held…America’s hand through a lot of very difficult times.” Others, however, are more than willing to let go: “She’s the girl who borrows your notes in school and does better on the test than you do,” sulks a staffer during a Couric “tribute.” “She’s just as fun on camera as she is off,” warns another.
Friday at 11 a.m.
Here’s a novel way to nab bin Laden: It’s Just Lunch! “The world had already told me ‘Ain’t no way in the world you’re gonna get married,’” says Star Jones Reynolds of dating at over 40. “‘You’re gonna get Osama bin Laden into bed before you get [your husband].’” But maybe that’s not such a bad thing: “I was reading that some women find him attractive,” says co-host Joy Behar of the terrorist mastermind.
Friday at 3 p.m.
“Did you get run off [from your job] for being foul-mouthed?” Dr. Phil asks Becky, whose family can’t cope with her crassness. “No. My job got outsourced to India,” she answers demurely. But don’t call Lou Dobbs just yet: “You were at a work birthday celebration,” Dr. Phil continues. “You smeared white icing on your lips…and yelled, ‘I got the promotion!’”
Friday at 8 p.m.
“I was really thinking there would be a…pay-a-fine option,” says the former Mary Kay Letourneau of her seven-year sentence for second-degree statutory rape. “Because, you know, I had been to…traffic court.” Well, at least her daughters can learn from Mom’s mistakes: “I remind them about that every time they break a rule and have to have a time out,” she says. “‘Mommy broke a rule. Mommy had to do a time out.’” —Mario Correa