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Ah, summertime: beach blankets, bingo—and Brandy. Yes, our little Moesha held down two big seasonal jobs last week, as a syrupy Paula Abdul–alike on America’s Got Talent and as a wide-eyed seat-warmer on the ever-shrinking View. Of course, if that seems like a busy schedule, it’s nothing compared to the one kept by Maury guest Deborah: “Thomas, I know that you think that I cheated on you one time,” she informed her fiancé. “But it was actually 25.”
America’s Got Talent
Wednesday at 9 p.m.
Four-hundred-pound dancers, a guy with a scorpion in his crotch, a near-naked man serenading a blowup doll—what a mind-melting pot it is! “Why did you [teach yourself to yodel]?” judge Piers Morgan asks 11-year-old contestant Taylor Ware. “Um, I was 7,” she says. “It was summer.” That, and it beat sitting around watching America’s Got Talent.
The Tony Danza Show
Friday at 10 a.m.
Tired of all those sappy Oprah’s Book Club selections? Then check out Tony Danza’s reading list. “And what a cast of characters!” gushes action star/first-time novelist Chuck Norris, plugging his novel, The Justice Riders. “One guy’s a Brit from the royal guard in England. One guy’s a full-blooded Irishman. A guy’s half-Indian—” “I gotta break,” Italian-American Danza interrupts, never in his life happier to go to commercial.
Friday at 11 a.m.
Guest co-host Brandy tries her darndest to fill the token-minority chair left open by Star Jones Reynolds, but it’s boss Barbara Walters who adds the real color to these proceedings. “You know what?” muses the veteran newswoman during a fashion show of plus-sized underwear. “When you get a purple bra, then you have to get, like, four pair of purple panties.”
Friday at 2 p.m.
“I decided that everybody makes mistakes,” says Veda of her husband. “Nate has promised to never have sex with my mom again.” And as long as we’re letting bygones be bygones, let’s forget about that whole bisexual-hustler thing, too: “Since being on the show and telling [my wife] that I’m a male prostitute, I’ve completely stopped,” says the proud Brian. “I’m no longer having sex with women and men for money.”
Why Can’t I Be You?
Saturday at 2 p.m.
“So what are you looking to gain?” host Nick Zano asks the timid Christian, who’s about to get lessons in being “macho” from studly classmate Nathan. “For people not to think, Oh, he might be gay or He’s a little feminine,” the effete young man answers. OK. Let’s start with thinking before you speak: “I just hope,” Christian says, “that, somehow, whatever he has rubs on me.” —Mario Correa