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You think your holiday season is hectic—last week, Ann Curry had to juggle the dual roles of Today Show also-ran and shameless-network-Christmas-special pitchwoman. But when it came to balancing more than one should handle, no one held an electric candle to Ice Wars’ Oksana Baiul: “What can I say about my number?” cooed the slightly off-kilter skater. “It’s about love; it’s about me; it’s about me being single, Russian, and blond!”
The Tyra Banks Show
Wednesday at 10 a.m.
“I want to be clear and let everyone know that pornography is not an industry I condone,” says a stern-faced Tyra right before launching into a sweeps-month porn-biz special. But even moralistic Mother Banks can’t deny what great Christmas gifts naughty films make: “I had given [my dad] a few of [my] movies,” says starlet Jessica Drake, “because I wanted him to familiarize himself with the quality.”
Wednesday at 11 a.m.
Hey, Danny DeVito: You’ve just partied all night with George Clooney! What are you gonna do now? I’m gonna show up drunk at The View! “I knew it was the last seven limoncellos that was gonna get me,” slurs the disheveled Deck the Halls star. “Come sit with mama!” Rosie instructs DeVito, planting him on her lap in a move guaranteed to do some sobering.
Christmas in Rockefeller Center
Wednesday at 8 p.m.
“It’s a tradition that goes back to the Great Depression!” gushes poor Ann Curry. Jumping out of windows? The birthdates of musical guests Hall & Oates? No, silly—lighting the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree! And what’s an even older tradition? Clumsy attempts at network synergy! “As excited [to light the tree],” Al Roker asks ceremonial button-presser Tina Fey, “as [you are about] your show moving to Thursday nights?”
20/20: Cheap in America
Wednesday at 10 p.m.
“It turns out,” says host John Stossel, introducing his latest special about how stupid, gullible, or greedy the rest of us are, “this idea that liberals give more is a myth.” What’s not a myth, however, is that John Stossel is a much better person than the rest of us are: “I should disclose,” says the professional whiner selflessly, “I’m a director of a charity that’s helped clean [Central Park] up.”
Olay Presents Ice Wars 2006: USA Vs. the World
Friday at 8 p.m.
Because we’re not isolated enough already, America goes it alone on the ice rink, too. Thankfully for us, Oksana Baiul is on the other team: “This number is about my life,” says the wacky Ukrainian, donning a clown costume to perform an interpretive routine about “all that I’ve learned over the years.” “When you see a program like that,” says baffled host Scott Hamilton, “you just know there’s a lot going on in there.”—Mario Correa