No need for the lovey-dovey and vomit-inducing professions of love this year. Here at Washington City Paper, we like to keep it real. We can’t guarantee these will get you rolling around in bed with someone Monday, but it’s sure as hell worth a try.

Ways to send:

• Link to this entire page.
• Right-click an image to save it and pass around on your own.
• Click the image for a direct link.

Illustrations by Brooke Hatfield with photos by Darrow Montgomery.