Hollywood’s inability to recreate the swashbuckling epics of yore hasn’t stopped it from releasing a steady stream of flops. And so they’ll trot out The Three Musketeers for what feels like the billionth time, hoping that Orlando Bloom’s natural resemblance to Guy Fawkes can prevent this turkey-to-be from fast-tracking its way to your local Redbox.

Tepid box-office results of the final Shrek, be damned! The ailing franchise’s rigor mortis comes via a prequel with Antonio Banderas’ one-note character Puss in Boots. And on Dec. 9, Garry Marshall unveils Happy New Year, the latest chapter in his interpretation of Eric Rohmer’s “Six Moral Tales,” which in Marshall’s hands might as well be titled Seven Banal Holidays. Here, he’ll use up his 40-plus years of goodwill to embarrass industry friends such as Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, and Halle Berry with a pensive, sentimental montage set to “Auld Lang Syne.”

The secret to a successful movie, from Bridesmaids to Madagascar, is a bouncy soundtrack comprised of old pop songs played for kitsch—with bonus points awarded when sung by a computer-generated antelope and/or porcupine. Happy Feet Two in 3-D and Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked will likely reignite our love for Better than Ezra or Fine Young Cannibals through a show stopping, choreographed finale.