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Maybe there really is some magic to New Year’s Eve, as New Year’s Eve posits in its opening moments. Or maybe it was the bourbon I was drinking, because I could swear that the Bronx accent Hilary Swank affected in the second half wasn’t there at the start. Did I just cop to getting tanked in a crowded movie theater? No. In the film’s vernacular, I was merely “going Kanye.” Though I didn’t spot any sarcophagi, there were references to “vajayjays,” as this star cluster—Garry Marshall’s latest trite rom-com about the urban love lives of good-looking people—trades in six-year-old slang. Oh, did you know that Zac Efron, John Lithgow, Katherine Heigl, and bunch of other famous people (seriously, Jim Belushi just shows up) can look stuff up on the Internet, like how to induce labor and get three stars in “Angry Birds”? It’s New Year’s magic. Mayor Mike Bloomberg shows up, too, making the most of that third term. Must I go on? Please don’t make me, as I’m pretty Kanyed. Thanks for that one, Ashton Kutcher.

The film shows all week at area theaters.