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Recently, John Waters told the Baltimore Sun, “I think Santa Claus should team up with the tooth fairy and kill the Easter bunny.” But the cult film director definitely does not hate Christmas—in fact, he loves it enough to have spent the past 10 winters performing a one-man holiday show. Tonight’s show will mash up monologue and comedy, and probably veer into a dead-serious explanation of why it’s rude to ask a fat person to play Santa Claus at the office party. Known to the untainted masses as the creator of the not-Broadway version of Hairspray—and to somewhat smuttier types as the perverted genius behind grotesque, Baltimore-set films like Pecker—Waters is just the guy to explain how Christmas can verge on sexual. To prepare, listen to A John Waters Christmas, his 2004 collection of the kitchiest, weirdest, most obscure, and most offensive Christmas songs around. Blessed be the spirit of Talking Mary.

Waters performs at 7:30 p.m. at Birchmere, 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria. $45. (703) 459-7500.