We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.
Down to business: Christmas came and went, and every present I bought for my extraordinary husband could be opened in front of our children. He deserves better, and I have a particular gift in mind for Valentine’s Day. My husband has expressed an interest in sounding, something we’ve attempted only with my little finger. He seemed to enjoy it! But the last thing I want to do is damage his big beautiful dick. So is sounding a fun thing? Is sounding a safe thing? Recommendations for a beginner’s sounding kit? Or should I scrap the idea and just get him another butt plug? —Safety Of Sounding
Sounding, for those of you who didn’t go to the same Sunday school I did, involves the insertion of smooth metal or plastic rods into the urethra. Sounding is sometimes done for legitimate medical purposes (to open up a constricted urethra, to locate a blockage), and it’s sometimes done for legitimate erotic purposes (some find the sensation pleasurable, and others are turned on by the transgression, particularly when a man is being sounded, i.e., the penetrator’s penetrator penetrated).
So, yeah, some people definitely think sounding is a fun thing, SOS.
“But whether or not something is a safe thing depends on knowledge of the risks/pitfalls and an observance of proper technique,” said Dr. Keith D. Newman, a urologist and a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons. “The urethral lining has the consistency of wet paper towels and can be damaged easily, producing scarring. And the male urethra takes a bend just before the prostate. Negotiating that bend takes talent, and that’s where most sounding injuries occur.”
Recreational cock sounders—particularly newbies—shouldn’t attempt to push past that bend. But how do you know when you’ve arrived at that bend?
“SOS’s partner should do the inserting initially,” said Dr. Newman, “as the bend in the urethra is easily recognized by the soundee. Once he is clear on his cues—once he understands the sensations, what works, and when the danger areas are reached—SOS can participate safely with insertion.”
And cleanliness matters, SOS, whether you’re sounding the husband or serving burritos to the public.
“Infection is always an issue,” said Dr. Newman. “Clean is good, but the closer to sterile the better. And be careful about fingers. They can be more dangerous than sounds because of the nails and difficulty in sterilizing.”
So for the record, SOS: Your previous attempts at sounding—those times you jammed your little finger into your husband’s piss slit—were more dangerous than the sounding you’ll be doing with the lovely set of stainless-steel sounding rods you’ll be giving your hubby on Valentine’s Day.
“Spit is not lube,” said Dr. Newman. “Water- or silicone-based lubes are good; oil-based is not so good with metal instruments.” (You can also go online and order little single-serving packets of sterile lubricant. Don’t ask me how I know this.) Using “glass or other breakable instruments” as sounds is a Very Bad Idea. Dr. Newman was pretty emphatic on this point—and while it sounds like a fairly obvious point, anyone who’s worked in an ER can tell you horror stories about all the Very Bad Ideas they’ve retrieved from people’s urethras, vaginas, and rectums.
Now let’s go shopping!
“Choosing the best ‘starter kit’ is not hard: Pratt Dilators are not hard to find online, they’re not that expensive, and they will last a lifetime,” said Dr. Newman. (I found a set of Pratt Dilators on Amazon for less than $30.) And when your set arrives, SOS, don’t make the common mistake of starting with the smallest/skinniest sound in the pack. “Inserting something too small allows wiggle room on the way in and for a potential to stab the urethral wall,” said Dr. Newman.
The doc’s next safety tip will make sense after you’ve seen a set of Pratt Dilators: “Always keep the inserted curve facing one’s face, meaning the visible, external curve facing away toward one’s back.”
You can gently stroke your husband’s cock once the sound is in place, SOS; you can even blow him. Vaginal intercourse is off the table, obviously, and you might not wanna fuck his big beautiful dick with a sound until you’re both feeling like sounding experts. And when that time comes: Don’t stab away at his cock with a sound in order to sound-fuck him. A quality sound has some weight and heft—hold his erection upright, slowly pull the well-lubricated, non-glass sound until it’s almost all the way out, and then let go. It will sink back without any help from you.
Your husband’s butt should be plug-free during your sounding sessions, SOS, as a plug could compress a section his urethra. If you’re skilled enough to work around the bend—or if you’re foolish enough to push past it—the sound could puncture his compressed urethra. And a punctured urethra is every bit as unpleasant as it sounds. (Sorry.)
Finally, SOS, what about coming? Will your husband’s balls explode if he blows a load while a metal rod is stuffed in his urethra?
“Coming with the sound in place is a matter of personal preference,” said Dr. Newman. “There is no particular danger involved.” —Dan Savage
My wife and I have an amazing relationship. Our sex life is as hot as it can be given a child and two careers. A couple of years ago, I bought her one of those partial-body sex dolls (it has a cock and part of the stomach). We took videos and pictures while using it. Very hot for both of us. We later got a black version of the same toy. (We are white.) Even hotter videos. I have kept the videos in a secure app on my iPad. Over the past year, I have created Photoshop porn of my wife with black men using screenshots from commercial porn. I haven’t shared this with my wife. We never discussed what to do with the videos and pics we made. I assumed she trusted me not to share these images with anyone. (I haven’t and won’t!) Is it okay that I have a porn stash that features my wife? Is it okay that I have a stash of Photoshop porn of my wife fucking black men? Should I share this info—and my fantasies—with her? I’ve always fantasized about her being with a black man, but I’m not sure either of us would truly want that to happen. —Secretly Keeping Encrypted Porn That Isn’t Clearly Allowed Lately
You need to speak to your wife about those pics and videos, about the way you’ve manipulated them, and about your fantasies—but that’s a lot to lay on her at once, SKEPTICAL, so take it in stages.
Find a time to ask her about those old pics and videos and whether she wants them discarded or if you can continue to hang on to them. At a different time, bring up your racially charged fantasies and let her know what those partial-body sex dolls were doing for you. And finally, SKEPTICAL, if she reacts positively to your having held on to the photos and to your fantasies, ask her how she feels about you creating a few images using Photoshop of her hooking up with a black man for fantasy purposes only. It’s a little dishonest—you’re asking for permission to do what you’ve already done—but you’ll know what you need to do if her answer to the Photoshop question is “No, absolutely not!” (To be clear: You’ll need to delete those Photoshopped pics.)
All that said, SKEPTICAL, if the images you’re holding on to—the originals and/or the manipulated ones—could destroy your marriage and/or your wife’s life and/or your wife’s career if they got out (computers can be hacked or stolen, clouds may not be as secure as advertised), don’t wait: Delete all of the images now. —Dan