Credit: Darrow Montgomery

The greatest thing about the Capital Fringe Festival is also the worst thing about the Capital Fringe Festival: It’s not curated. The low barrier to entry allows playwrights with few resources to show their work, which has mixed results. If you’re inspired to make your Fringe directorial debut but don’t know where to start, we’ve drafted a few script ideas we think would be surefire hits. City Paper Art Director Stephanie Rudig has even created props you can cut out. 

While “medium plates” are gaining popularity in D.C. (yes, seriously), small plates will always hold a special place in the hearts of Washingtonians who love to hate on them. But shouldn’t our children be taught to love, not hate? Enter The Smallest Plate, a play for kids about a tiny piece of china that’s ostracized from its community but is befriended by a good-hearted Mason jar who teaches us all an important lesson about life.

Waiting and waiting (and waiting) for a train is now commonplace for Metro riders. But what if some waited… forever?! A WMATA employee stumbles upon an underground community of commuters who never left in Escape From Metro. The look should be post-apocalyptic: Think torn Jos. A. Bank suits and crumbling SmarTrip cards.

Never has an Internet message board been so ripe for dramatization. DC Urban Moms and Dads features fights between local parents about so many (dumb) things. A recent thread on “rude” parents contained such riveting dialogue as [sic]:

Parent 1: “I really hate it when I’m out with my toddler and she sees another toddler and gets excited and says hi to them, and the kids’ parents ignore her as if she said nothing. This is sooooo rude to me.”

Parent 2: “I hate parents like you who think the world revolves around their kid you at think it is cute but others find it annoying.”

Parent 3: “Is it unfathomable to you that people aren’t interested in engaging with or even acknowledging your snowflake??”

My Special Snowflake will bring these exchanges to the stage. And to avoid exposing children to this nonsense, the adult actors will each have their own special snowflake prop to argue over.

D.C.’s favorite summer refrain, It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Humidity, becomes a musical about how stupidly hot it gets here. Fans are great props for first-time actors, as they give novices something to do with their hands. The advanced thespian can deploy this item in an elaborate dance.