City Paper is not for tourists
Dear Potanist: I am a 50-something man who has not smoked pot since the late ’70s, but due to a recent health issue, I’m ready to start smoking again. The problem is that I don’t have a reliable source. In this day and age, is there any danger of getting weed that has been sprayed with toxic chemicals? I don’t want to add complications. —Dear Don’t Panic it’s Organic
If you don’t know the source of your weed, then there’s always a remote chance that some unsavory chemicals have been used on the plant. To be 100 percent certain, grow your own! It’s well worth the time and inconsequential start-up capital, and the therapeutic benefits of gardening are well known. The next best option would be to procure a medical card and acquire your herb from one of many dispensaries, which are under strict quality control. Either way, it’s high time you get a bag of organic chronic and breathe easy! —The Potanist
Dear Potanist: I am a 22-year-old senior at Georgetown University. I have been smoking maryjane daily since I was an AP student in high school and will likely finish college in the top of my class. I am so happy D.C. has legalized marijuana! The best part of my day is coming home from classes, dropping my books, and taking a giant bong rip. My parents have known about my cannabis use for years. After numerous attempts at curbing my habit, (eight broken bongs and numerous bags flushed down the commode), they got tired of busting me and said if I keep my grades up I could smoke as much as I wanted. No problem with school or parents—the issue I have now is that I live with my fiancé, and though I love him, he has been pressuring me to pull back on the pot. I know we are about to get married and settle down, but I’m not ready to quit! The only thing we disagree on is my pot smoking. There are also my stoner buddies. He is not real fond of them either. Here’s the kicker: I met him four years ago as my first D.C. weed dealer! He hasn’t given me a straight ultimatum, but at this point he has made it pretty clear that he expects me to stop smoking weed if we get married. How do I get high and keep him happy? I love my partner but I also love my maryjane. —Ms. High Grade
Always good to hear from a “high-functioning” student. Allow us also to congratulate you on not only being a proud stoner but also getting your dealer to put a ring on it. As a disclaimer, The Potanist are weed experts and not qualified to dispense reliable advice on relationships. Having said that, isn’t the most important thing your health, happiness, education, and, last but not least, your spiritual well being? We are here to remind you that weed forms the foundation of all of the above! We believe your life partner unconditionally loves and accepts who you are. If he truly loves you, then he will allow you to bloom into your own flower and at your own pace, rather than at his. If an ultimatum comes your way, you will be faced with a tough decision. The first time can be agonizing, but from experience we can say it gets easier after a couple more people pressure you to choose. We’re about twice your age and, sadly, we have both been in your position numerous times. We are both still single, but may we also add that we love a woman in search of a “higher” education. You did right to ask our advice. You have our email. Drop that zero and get with these heroes! —TP
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