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HO HO WHO: Mariah Carey, who achieved Christmas legend status with the release of her 1994 album, Merry Christmas, featuring “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” This year, Mariah has turned that classic Christmas love song into a direct-to-video animated film about a young girl named Mariah who desperately wants a puppy. The nine-song soundtrack includes two versions of “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” three instrumental tracks, and “Lil Snowman,” an all-new holiday song performed by Mimi herself.

HAPPY BABY: The resulting pop-rock song is a loving tribute to a snowman. But she’s not quite treating her anthropomorphic friend like Frosty the Snowman, the jolly, happy playmate. Mariah’s description of her “lil snowman” is bizarrely physical, with sample lyrics like “He’s got his hat to the back, ’cause he’s cool like that/ And they don’t know how me makes me feel.” My guess is cold. 

RUN RUN RUN AWAY: The pattern of jangly guitars and sleigh bells in the beginning of “Lil Snowman” is very reminiscent of another rock ‘n’ roll Christmas song, “Run Rudolph Run.” Is Mariah paying tribute to the late Chuck Berry with this song? It’s certainly possible, but I’d still rather listen to “Run Rudolph Run,” which improves upon “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” instead of this composition about desiring a man made from frozen precipitation.

CHEER FACTOR: 1/10. The repeated, under-enunciated lyrics make no sense and the music sounds like a rip-off of a better song. It’s doubly disappointing coming from Mariah, who blessed the world with one of the best holiday songs of all time.