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Happy Thursday. Another issue of City Paper is out. In this week’s issue: Yelp, DCRA, An Oral History of the Uptown Theater, Mamie Johnson Little League.

LEADING THE MORNING NEWS:

  • DCRA’s Velocity program promises to slash the waiting time to acquire permits for nearly any kind of work––from demolition plans to change of use––from 30 days to as few as one, a tantalizing prospect for an agency whose permitting process is notoriously slow. Documents City Paper obtained through a FOIA request offer a glimpse into the decision-making machine that is helping to guide urban development in D.C.

  • Yelp launched a new program in D.C. late last month that publishes a restaurant’s “health score,” an effort that ostensibly provides users with easy-to-digest numbers that reflect how hygienic a restaurant is using existing government data. But critics of the program say it has the potential to tank the credibility of businesses that have addressed health concerns, or that haven’t had inspections in years.

  • A slew of (admittedly depressing) animal news: A hound dog with terminal cancer gets his own bucket list; a Southwest man is charged with 16 counts of animal cruelty after investigators fund the dead bodies of 11 kittens in his home, alongside 10 cats with medical issues; and a young bald eagle falls from his nest onto the sidewalk in Northeast.

  • A Virginia company wins a $27 million contract to build a new data center for the Library of Congress.

THE BULLETIN

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LOOSE LIPS LINKS, by Morgan Baskin (tips? mbaskin@washingtoncitypaper.com)

  • Bowser’s Chancellor search opens to public input. [Twitter]

  • The jurisdiction in the D.C. region with the most political representation. [GGW]

  • In August, D.C. will offer child support amnesty, of sorts, for parents making good-faith efforts to pay. [WTOP]

  • Metro comes out victorious in a legal challenge over its advertising policies. [WTOP]

YOUNG & HUNGRY LINKS, by Laura Hayes (tips? lhayes@washingtoncitypaper.com)

  • Why Yelp’s new health scores may not be an accurate depiction of a restaurant’s cleanliness. [WCP]

  • How to dine without a group and pay without making enemies for life. [Post]

  • The Bottom Line is closed this week because of a fire. [PoPville]

  • Alexandria has a new spot for mussels. [NoVa Mag]

ARTS LINKS, by Matt Cohen (tips? mcohen@washingtoncitypaper.com)

  • Listen to the debut album from D.C. powerviolence band Brainpan. [Revolver]

  • Local photographer—and sometimes City Paper contributor—Farrah Skeiky talks about the music and art that inspires her craft. [No Echo]

  • Fifty years of Fort Reno. [Kojo Nnamdi Show]

HOUSING COMPLEX LINKS, by Morgan Baskin (tips? mbaskin@washingtoncitypaper.com)

  • Residents sue D.C. over how it executed the renovation of a public library in Capitol View. [DC Line]

  • Amazon officials are “incentive obsessed” when it comes to selecting HQ2. [WBJ]

  • Metro tests a cashless bus route. [GGW]

  • A mixed-use building on Georgetown’s waterfront sells for $415 million. [BisNow]

SPORTS LINKS, by Kelyn Soong (tips? ksoong@washingtoncitypaper.com)

  • Bobby Beathard, the local NFL team’s former long-time Super Bowl winning general manager, is being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame on Saturday. And he found success by doing things his own way. [WCP]

  • The Mamie Johnson Little League that inspired a city is heading off to Bristol, Connecticut this weekend after becoming the first predominantly-African American team to win the D.C. Championships. A send-off ceremony for the team is scheduled for today prior to the Nationals’ game against the Cincinnati Reds. [WCP]

  • Arlington’s Denis Kudla is into the Citi Open round of 16 after failing to win a single match in his hometown tournament during his previous six visits. His inspiration? The Stanley Cup champion Capitals, naturally. [NBC Sports Washington]

HAPPENING TODAY, by Kayla Randall (tips? krandall@washingtoncitypaper.com)

  • Legendary funk artist and producer George Clinton performs with his funk collective Parliament Funkadelic at 9:30 Club. 7 p.m. at 815 V St. NW. $45.

  • Author Jennifer Gilmore speaks at Politics and Prose about her new novelIf Only, the time-spanning story of two intertwined 16-year-olds, one who is forced to make a huge decision and the other who must live with it. 7 p.m. at 5015 Connecticut Ave. NW. Free.

  • Rockville native Father John Misty, a folk rock singer-songwriter who recently released his fourth album, God’s Favorite Customer, performs at The Anthem. 8 p.m. at 901 Wharf St. SW. $45–$55.

  • ANC 1B meets today at 6:30 p.m.815 Florida Ave.NW.

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