Credit: Stephanie Rudig

HO HO WHO: The oppressively soulful Michael McDonald sang and co-wrote the number one hit “What a Fool Believes” with The Doobie Brothers back in the late ’70s. Since then, he has kept busy combing his lustrous white hair and recording Christmas albums, often simultaneously. Season of Peace: The Christmas Collection is McDonald’s fifth holiday album since 2001, and it is mostly comprised of recycled cuts from earlier releases. Mine that back catalog, Michael McDonald! With that much hair to comb, who has time to record new material?

GOD REST YE, GIRL, OOOH: Light some scented candles, break out the body chocolate, and get ready to fuck to a 400-year-old Christmas carol. McDonald slows “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” down to a slink, adds a little organ and funk guitar, and leans heavily on his background singers as he riffs on the song’s chorus. “BE NOT AFRAID NOW CHILDREN, THESE ARE TIIIIIIIDINGS,” McDonald moans, as he crescendoes to orgasmic unintelligibility. If anyone was going to turn “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” into a slow sex jam, it was Michael McDonald.

THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOT: The lame percussion track here was apparently rendered by a factory preset on a very cheap drum machine, which is a bit disappointing, but ultimately fine. No one buys a Michael McDonald Christmas album for the drumming! They buy it for the soulful yelps, and this song has yelps a-plenty.

CHEER FACTOR: 7/10. Though it’s not your standard “God Rest Ye” rendition, McDonald’s version will put you in a good mood all the same. This is the track that Santa puts on when he and Mrs. Claus want to get freaky.