Credit: Darrow Montgomery

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Home Imprudent, City Paper’s guide to the weirdest, wonkiest, most impractical, and outrageously priced homes in D.C. is back! Do you know of a house that should be featured? Email it to tips@washingtoncitypaper.com.

  • If you’re looking to play landlord and don’t currently rent out any units, here’s a good chance to do that in an Adams Morgan building near Walter Pierce Park. As a fun bonus, you can price gouge your tenants to your heart’s desire, since D.C. doesn’t require landlords with four or fewer properties to abide by rent control protections. (Local activists are trying their best to change that.)

  • This four-bedroom “Handy-Man special” on Dix St. NE looks a little too much like Jimmy Valentine’s on the inside—which is to say, it needs more than just a good steam cleaning.

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  • In August of 2016, this four-bedroom home near Anacostia was listed for $240,000 and taken down nearly eight months later. It’s back on the market now at a charming $625,000—owing, presumably, to the Chip and Jo Gaines-style interior reno—despite its 2018 tax assessment being listed at $260,000. Its realtors brag that it’s a convenient 3.3 (!) miles from Nats Park, which is about the same distance as the Arboretum is from Mt. Vernon Square, or the Wilson Building is to the Basilica.

  • A boiling hot take: iron spiral staircases are terrifying and impractical. Abandon them and save yourself.

  • Back in 2017, D.C.’s Zoning Administrator gave developers the go-ahead to build a massive 31-unit apartment building along Alabama Ave. SE. Those involved have apparently jumped ship, because the entire 18,800-square-foot plot is now up for sale, to the tune of $1.6 million.

  • This $3.3 million, 7-bedroom Cleveland Park mansion comes with a backyard “artist studio.”  Apologies if you can’t hear me over the sound of my laughter